We are not training these little people on how to sleep, we are forcing them to figure out how to sleep. And they certainly let us know that they hate it.
I was swapping stories with a colleague who has two children older than my son, Reece, and he told me that they two most important things to remember when starting sleep boot-camp are; 1) don't turn on each other (meaning me and my husband) and 2) kids are like dogs -- they smell fear.
Armed with sage wisdom from a father of two, I felt more confident going into the next night of baby sleep boot-camp. I was confident that I could whip (not literally) this kid of mine into shape (aka being best sleeper ever). My husband listened as I told him the great advice I received and we vowed not to turn on each other and to try to be brave around our shitty sleeper so he wouldn't sniff out our fear.
Here's how that night played out.
7:30pm -- Reece gets put in his crib, drowsy but awake. He screams. I nearly break a nervous sweat wondering if I am about to ruin my loving relationship with my sweet boy.
7:39pm -- Screaming stops. Holy shit. He's asleep! Over confident Mom and Dad make evening cocktails and settle in for what we now believe is a lifelong fondness for evening hours as a married couple.
10:11pm -- Shit. He's up. We check on him and then leave him to cry it out.
10:11pm and 30 seconds -- He pukes from crying. Yes, he's quick to boot.
10:25pm -- Puke is cleaned up and I hold Reece --- nervously as I pray he'll go back to sleep. And there it was. He smelled the fear. He curled up as if he were a baby kangaroo trying to get into a pouch. He was NOT going to get back in that crib.
10:30pm -- 11:30pm -- Too many attempts to put him back into what he seems to believe is a shark tank. But let's be clear, it's just his over priced crib he is rejecting. This, too, was the hour when my husband and I turned on each other. Two anxious parents who challenge what the other is doing = 100% turning on each other.
I'm convinced, this little boss man of mine smelled the fear and knew he had me. So together, we slept in a chair. Then after a few days, I slept on the floor with him. And then, a few weeks after that, we started sleeping in a regular bed together. And now. Well, now our little fear smelling, shark tank hating prince sleeps in a queen sized bed with nicer linens that what his parents sleep on.
Pretty much sums up how this whole parenthood thing is going in my house.
Reece 1. Mommy 0. Daddy is still hiding b/c he reeks of fear.
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