The Unexpected Gift of Parenting

Of all the commonly asked questions to parents, I think my favorite one to answer is that of "What's been the biggest surprise so far?"

It's not how much work it takes to be a parent. It's not the amount of patience required. But for me, it's the enormity of love that so quickly bonds a child and parent.

Before my first child could speak, my brother said to me, "Isn't it amazing how much you love him and yet the two of you have never had a  conversation?" It was precisely in that moment when I realized there's no way to describe the type of love you share with your children. It just is love. Deep, crazy, unconditional, want to put you in my pocket and take you with me everywhere kind of love.

It is a strange thing how the relationship happens. For me, I prayed and hoped and planned and used fertility treatments to conceive. Once I learned I was pregnant, I felt bonded to the little person inside me and yet when I met my son I thought, "It's you?! Had I known it would be you, I would have been even more excited." It's as if, in that second that you hold your baby, you can't possibly imagine that your child could have been different in any tiny way. This person is "the" person as intended. 

And then the baby goes to the nursery and each time the nurse would wheel him back into my room to eat, I would think, "Ah, it's you again. You complete stranger who I honestly couldn't pick out of a line-up of equally chubby and bald babies. Yep, it's you. Thank God for you."

So you love this little person who literally can't survive without your love and care. Perhaps that's what makes the bond so strong. Your child has given you purpose. A deep and meaningful purpose with a dose of humility to boot. 

And then comes the smiling, laughter, playfulness and separation anxiety that makes you feel both deeply loved and horribly sad because you do have to just let them cry sometimes. After that.... the walking. Like a little drunk person who is on a mission, they follow, fall, get back up and keep on going. And then one day they start talking. And they don't stop. They won't stop.

As time passes, you get into a groove and schedule and feel like a kick-ass parent who may not have it all figured out, but you have enough figured out to feel good for the time being. Then your child changes, as do their needs, their routine and your life. So you get on a new schedule and alas you're in the cycle of parenthood. Figure it out. It changes. Adapt. Repeat.

For all the times you don't want your child to see you stressed or nervous or sad, inevitably one day you will shed a tear. I honestly didn't know if it was healthy to cry in front of my kids or if it would cause them to stress and worry. Does that sound crazy? Such a strange thing, right, to think about how I want and encourage my kids to show the full spectrum of emotions and to share them and talk with me about their feelings. And yet for me, it felt like I was failing as a mom if my kids saw me cry, as if it should be a dark and hidden secret. Well, one day I just broke and what came next rocked my world. My son gave me a hug and said, "Don't cry, Mommy. It's all going to be alright." And with that it was.

What's the most surprising thing about parenthood is the love and bond. But the most unexpected gift is that my children give back the love I give to them. I wouldn't have ever asked for it or expected to be comforted by their words or hugs, but there's absolutely nothing in the world that can beat it.