During a pregnancy and engagement, you spend months reading books, looking at magazines and trolling Pinterest and the Internet for information and ideas. You see smiling faces, read stories about things you vow you'll never try or do, and get some ideas/tips for how to tackle the endless list of all the "best" things you can do to have the happiest baby/wedding - not only on the block - but that anyone you know has ever seen.
So there you are, drowning in information and realizing that you have a lot of choices to make. Choices that seem daunting -- white, off white, ecru? -- swing or bouncer? -- and you become emotionally invested in these decisions as if these are the things that are going to define your wedding or parenting experience. It feels very real as these are some of the first choices you're making as a wife or parent.
You make your choices and feel proud about what you've created -- a dream wedding/a dream nursery -- and you wait anxiously for the day to arrive when you get to enjoy your creation. You are showered by friends and family and listen patiently as free advice is poured upon you, as are stories that fill your heart and stories that break your heart. You look at your "village people" and aren't quite entirely sure why you'll need an entire village to thrive in life, but the most consistent free advice you've received is that you need a village. Trust me, you do. And if you don't have a village, I promise that any close friend will lend you theirs. It's like a smoker who will always share cigarettes...Someone who has a village and knows its value will share theirs with a person who doesn't have one.
You make your choices and feel proud about what you've created -- a dream wedding/a dream nursery -- and you wait anxiously for the day to arrive when you get to enjoy your creation. You are showered by friends and family and listen patiently as free advice is poured upon you, as are stories that fill your heart and stories that break your heart. You look at your "village people" and aren't quite entirely sure why you'll need an entire village to thrive in life, but the most consistent free advice you've received is that you need a village. Trust me, you do. And if you don't have a village, I promise that any close friend will lend you theirs. It's like a smoker who will always share cigarettes...Someone who has a village and knows its value will share theirs with a person who doesn't have one.
The day has come. As you walk down the aisle (or are wheeled into labor and delivery) you are keenly aware that this moment will define you. Your identity will be altered by adding a non-paying role to your resume --- that of wife or mother. (The roles aren't non-paying because they aren't worthy of a paycheck, but rather that there's not a price tag you can put on either one).
You're now a mother. You're now a wife. In both circumstances you're now responsible for another human being. And you suddenly think, How did I get here?
As a parent, you may be one of the lucky ones who coast into motherhood with ease. Leaving the house is easy, breast feeding is a cinch, and your baby naturally falls into a great sleep routine. For the majority of mothers, though, the transition is hard. Like on your wedding day, as a new mother, when something goes awry, it feels like the day is ruined. You are finally ready to leave the house with the baby, but that day the baby won't nap, won't eat, had a total diaper blowout right after being strapped into the car seat. You aren't able to leave the house and you suddenly feel like a failure. But what you really need to do is make a new plan and accept that this is parenthood -- starving for predictability and routine, but living with constant change.
It's something brides hear all the time when something at a wedding goes awry -- "No one knows that something is missing or didn't go as planned...only you know because you planned it." It's true. A dance, toast, bouquet toss or cake cutting happened out of order and you feel like the event was a failure. It wasn't. It isn't. It doesn't mean you aren't entitled to feel disappointed, but it does mean that it was nothing more than a missed moment that only you know was missed. And that, my friend, is a life long lesson. Letting go of things you can't change and not internalizing things that don't define you. And as for those fears about whether or not people liked your dress, hair and make-up, venue, flowers, cake, band or DJ, first dance, food, etc.... Guess what? People just want you to be happy and they want to have a good time. The people in your village are the people who should be at your wedding. And no one in your village shows up to judge.
Throughout parenthood, much like on your wedding day, you may feel like people are judging -- "OMG, look at her kid throw that tantrum! I would never allow my child to act that way." But the reality is that no one is judging you or your child. They may be glad it's not their child, but they aren't judging a crying kid. That would be like judging a dog that pees on a fire hydrant. It's part of the great cliches in life. Embrace them. It will make life a lot easier. And if someone does give you that all-knowing glance or stare, simply say, "And I've bet you've never heard a baby cry." and flash a shit eating grin.
There will come a day when you look back on your pregnancy or engagement and realize how little you knew about what was ahead. And it's in that moment when you'll realize just how far you've come.
You're now a mother. You're now a wife. In both circumstances you're now responsible for another human being. And you suddenly think, How did I get here?
As a parent, you may be one of the lucky ones who coast into motherhood with ease. Leaving the house is easy, breast feeding is a cinch, and your baby naturally falls into a great sleep routine. For the majority of mothers, though, the transition is hard. Like on your wedding day, as a new mother, when something goes awry, it feels like the day is ruined. You are finally ready to leave the house with the baby, but that day the baby won't nap, won't eat, had a total diaper blowout right after being strapped into the car seat. You aren't able to leave the house and you suddenly feel like a failure. But what you really need to do is make a new plan and accept that this is parenthood -- starving for predictability and routine, but living with constant change.
It's something brides hear all the time when something at a wedding goes awry -- "No one knows that something is missing or didn't go as planned...only you know because you planned it." It's true. A dance, toast, bouquet toss or cake cutting happened out of order and you feel like the event was a failure. It wasn't. It isn't. It doesn't mean you aren't entitled to feel disappointed, but it does mean that it was nothing more than a missed moment that only you know was missed. And that, my friend, is a life long lesson. Letting go of things you can't change and not internalizing things that don't define you. And as for those fears about whether or not people liked your dress, hair and make-up, venue, flowers, cake, band or DJ, first dance, food, etc.... Guess what? People just want you to be happy and they want to have a good time. The people in your village are the people who should be at your wedding. And no one in your village shows up to judge.
Throughout parenthood, much like on your wedding day, you may feel like people are judging -- "OMG, look at her kid throw that tantrum! I would never allow my child to act that way." But the reality is that no one is judging you or your child. They may be glad it's not their child, but they aren't judging a crying kid. That would be like judging a dog that pees on a fire hydrant. It's part of the great cliches in life. Embrace them. It will make life a lot easier. And if someone does give you that all-knowing glance or stare, simply say, "And I've bet you've never heard a baby cry." and flash a shit eating grin.
There will come a day when you look back on your pregnancy or engagement and realize how little you knew about what was ahead. And it's in that moment when you'll realize just how far you've come.
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