Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I Learned All I Need to Know About Parenting from the Movies

In the absence of routine adult conversation that does not include the topic of children, do you ever find yourself with an inner monologue? If so, welcome to my inner monologue. If not, well, welcome to my crazy.

I’ve found that most men could have a conversation using just quotes from movies.  Lucky them. For me, movie quotes have become the reference for parenting milestones, challenges and joys. Yes, in my mind when something happens, I seem to always think about some movie quote.

While some more obscure than others, I looked at the AFI list of the 100 top movie quotes and found that perhaps all I need to know about parenting I can find in the movies. 
Let’s take a look at some of my pics, shall we?

“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Forrest Gump

This is the number one parenting lesson. No matter how ready you are, you’re not ready at all. No matter how prepared you are for a given situation, you never really can prepare for all the scenarios. As this quote both excites and humbles, for me, it’s tops. And, it does not have to remain part of your inner monologue. I look forward to one day saying this to my son, followed by “let me know when you figure out what it means.” That should totally buy me 30 seconds of quite time to myself.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."  Gone with the Wind

This one tops my list because of its versatility of use. Yet, it can really only be enjoyed when said as part of your parenting inner monologue. You know, the things that you utter in the bubble above your head, but never would say to your child. "I don't give a damn if you don't want to go to sleep. Just – as the book is titled - Go the fuck to sleep!"  "I don't give a damn if you don't want your diaper changed. News flash. It's happening."

“This is your dance space. This is my dance space.” Dirty Dancing

How many times do you wish you could teach this lesson to your stage five clinger? When your loving little child will not sit anywhere but on your lap. When you’re child insists on going to the bathroom with you. When your child insists on sitting outside the shower, peeking at you with the curtain pulled back so to not let you out of his or her sight? Um yes, those would be moments when I wish my son knew that mommy needs her own dance space.

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."  The Godfather

Oh yes I am! This is basic parent survival 101. Bribery.

"Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." Wizard of Oz

Welcome to parenthood. Where life will never be the same as you once knew it.

“Go ahead. Make my day." Sudden Impact

The quote you never want to use, but sometimes find the strongest of urge to say. If you find yourself uttering this out loud, bad news because it's too late. It means that minor meltdown your kid was having in public just turned nuclear. Well played kiddo.

"May the force be with you." Star Wars

 This should be the salutation all parents use with each other.

 "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night." All About Eve

Welcome to the labor and delivery ward. Welcome to parenthood. Welcome to each phase that’s “just a phase.” Enough said.

 "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore." Network

This one is tricky because you need to know this one exists, but problem is, it’s being uttered in your child’s inner monologue. But knowing is half the battle, so parents, consider yourselves warned.

"You can't handle the truth."  A Few Good Men

This seems most applicable to sleep training whereby which you leave your kid alone to cry until they are so fatigued they fall asleep. Luckily, they have no idea what's happening until it's too late. You don’t really want to tell them when you’re lovingly in the midst of your bedtime routine that you’re about to let them scream for possibly hours. Trust me. They could not handle the truth.  This also goes for the question “where did I come from?” Until they are older, they don’t want to know the truth.

 "After all, tomorrow is another day."  Gone with the Wind

Thank GOD because momma can't handle another day like today.

"The stuff that dreams are made of." The Maltese Falcon

Because let's face it, being a parent is pretty fucking awesome.

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