Yo-Yo Parenting

Dear Parents,

Whatever you've done. You've done it wrong.  This is how I think every parenting book out there should open. These books should be dedicated to "All you sorry asses who didn't buy this book first." 

Let's face it, the volume of information out there about raising children is overwhelming. Add to it all you learn from friends and family and then of course from that little resource that's called, um, what is it again? Oh yeah, Google.

There's a thing known as "yo-yo dieting" - when you go on and off diets. I have determined that there's also a thing called "yo-yo parenting." This seems to be my current technique.

Just as my soon to be two year old tests boundaries, I am testing various reactions and methods for managing his tests.  Should I do what this author said? Oh wait, it didn't work. I'll change my approach and do what the other author said. But wait. That woman posted a comment on BabyCenter.... or was it TheBump? Now that I think of it, I should search on WhatToExpect.  Sometimes I lack all conviction, feeling like I need to find the "manual" that I will follow in raising my son. Otherwise, I fear I'll continue to be a yo-yo parent. And as any parent knows, it takes way more than one time for something to stick, so you can't yo-yo, you have to commit.

But how on earth do we muster the patience to try these approaches? It occurred to me that this is why they are called terrible twos. Not because my child is a disaster during this year, but because I am the disaster. A two year old is turning to mom and dad for boundaries, for limits, for an understanding of this big and crazy world. And what do I do in response to his inquiries and protestations? I play a game of yo-yo. 

When it comes to sleep training, you can let your child cry-it-out but check in periodically. Or, you can let your child cry-it-out and not go in at all. Alternately, you could ruin your child's trust in you if you let them cry at all. Um, thanks for the advice.

Or what about when it comes to bribing your child. I know books stay away from the word bribe, but we all know what "incentivize" really means. So, when potty training, offer your child an M&M or the like if they go on the potty. And maybe a few treats if they poop. But other times, you're most certainly advised against using food as a reward - heaven forbid this takes you down the slippery slope towards childhood obesity. Thanks, experts, for clarifying the food reward thing.

I'm learning that after the first year, there's no longer a weekly manual (thank you What to Expect the First Year) of what to do with your child. It seems as though after 12 months, the parenting really begins. That would have been good to know before month 13. Because I could have prepared. I honestly and naively had thought that What to Expect the Toddler Years was going to walk me through some type of systematic approach to year 2. WRONG. But if I had known and jumped ahead (and what first-time parent has that time?), I could have done my research and made the preparations. Like a wedding, you don't just show up. You plan and make choices and prepare. Yes, some thins you'll wing day-of, but for the most part you know what you have in mind. Not so much with me and parenting. Of course I know the big picture stuff like wanting my son to feel loved and safe and for him to be kind and well mannered, etc. But as for how to get there? Insert yo-yo.

As I can now feel the yo-yo coming closer and closer to hitting me in the face, I know that I need to have confidence in myself and just make whatever decisions feel right. But as any    yo-yo dieter knows, it's hard to break the yo-yo cycle.

I'm really hoping that once I muster the strength to put down the yo-yo that my son won't  want it to then play with it. I guess that's what the traditional terrible-twos is really about.