Often times, I catch myself thinking about a world in which the grass is greener. Thanks to my husband's healthy ego (and I really do say that with love), whenever I'm "green dreaming" (term I use to refer to dreaming of the place where the grass is greener) he grounds me in some positive aspect of the shit show that we are dealing with -- or phase, as the pros would call it. And it is the "green dreaming" that inspired the theme for my blog. Sometimes I wish this job of being a mom wasn't so Hard and didn't feel like a Job. But hands down, even though there are times I dream of something easier, what I have is the Best. Ever. And there you have it, my grassy green blog. A momztale of the Best. Hardest. Job. Ever.
Now, enough about me. Let's talk about me.
My green dreams..
"I wish I didn't use nursing as an excuse to eat EVERYTHING."
Ok. So who can relate? You have a baby. You lose enough weight initially from the birth to make you feel like you've done good enough for a while. And as you start to get into your mom groove, you decide to lighten up on yourself. I mean, I'm not a Hollywood actress, so I don't have the pressure to lose all the weight in 6 weeks. And hey, it took 10 months to gain all this weight, so I might as well take 10 months (uh, or more) to shed the pounds. With this reasonable sensibility of facing the flab, I for one, began to eat MORE than I did when I was pregnant. I geniusly justified it because I was nursing and you know you MUST consume at least 500 extra calories a day when breastfeeding. Um, yeah. No. I most certainly did not need those extra 500 calories. Because for me, those were shitty, wasted calories. I didn't just eat an extra bite here and there --- or fruit with peanut butter as suggested by too many books. Instead, I treated this like my last hurrah. Like the way a guy enters his bachelor party --- with the sense that he must get as drunk as possible and have the most fun possible --- I entered post-baby "dieting" with the same mindset. I MUST make sure that I eat every last bit of food that pre-pregnancy I would have deemed as "bad." If I get it out of my system now, I won't crave it later. Oh sure. Yeah. That works. Uh, no it doesn't. But after 16 months, I was back to my pre-baby weight and in hindsight, I don't really care that it took so long. I really did enjoy my pregnancy and that first year of motherhood. A cake eating (mostly just frosting), cookies and ice cream enjoying, chip and dip craving and fast food (ew, but yes) indulging first year. And here I am, hoping to get knocked up again for a do-over. Hmmmm....
"I wish he was a better eater"
Something I've said to my husband countless times. And my husband's wise words of comfort usually entail "You would be so annoyed if he was a good eater because you would have to prepare more elaborate meals everyday and do even more shopping." He's right. I now sound like the laziest mom of all time, but it's true. I myself would be perfectly happy eating a bowl of cereal for dinner. Maybe a bag of popcorn. So when it comes to preparing meals and making sure my son eats a healthy diet, it's already work, just based on the mere fact that he can't live on cereal and popcorn. My son who only eats things in the shape of a ball or that requires "sauce" (ketchup) helps simplify my life and certainly our evening routine. So yes, for me, my situation is actually the greener side of things (even though it's hard to remember in moments of total frustration -- like tossing away an uneaten dinner every night for a week!).
"I wish my son slept through the night"
Before he started sleeping for 10-12 hours, I used to dream of a life in which my son slept through the night (as most parents do). Well, now he does and whether it's pathetic to admit or not, I miss him in the night. Not to the point that I wish he would wake up (um, that would mean I wouldn't be up to speed on all things "Real Housewives" related) but when I climb into bed I think about how excited I am to kiss his sweet face in the morning. While being honest, I confess that I'm then equally excited to turn on Elmo and throw a bottle his way in hopes of stealing another 15 mins of sleep in the morning. I guess I just realize that I wouldn't trade the late night cuddles that helped us get to this land of zzzssss.
So for all the moms out there who wonder what it would be like "if only..." let us not forget that there's a lot of joy in the way it just is. And there's also NO guilt or judgment to be passed for wishing for something else. Parenting, after all, is a guessing game. So who can blame us for trying to guess what the green dream would look like?
Please share --- what are your green dreams?
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