My son is asleep and I'm back online for work trying to stay on top of a few
projects. As I think about my job at the office, I am suddenly distracted by
trying to figure out what a job description for being a parent would look like.
And what would it look like if my son wrote it?
Let the games begin.
Wanted.
Adult who isn't too old to play, but not too young and texts all the time (I hate when people use the phone around me and then tell me I can't have a turn. Learn to share. You're supposed to be a grown up). Must love Elmo, Thomas, construction sites and vehicles of all varieties. Must remain quiet while I drink milk and watch Elmo in the morning. Must be outdoorsy and know all animal sounds. Must enjoy making the "beep beep beep" sound trucks make when moving in reverse. Must love apple juice, meats that come in the shape of balls, chips with humus and cookies. Must enjoy a good wrestling match because I hate having my diaper changed. Must be able to function at peak performance with minimal sleep. Must desire job with zero privacy, no breaks, no performance feedback, no hope for promotion or raise or change of title.
Now. If I were to write it....
Wanted.
Adult with equal parts common sense and street sense to dedicate entire life to a three foot tall sweetie/terror. Responsibilities include life safety, education, socialization, fun, laughter, hugs and cuddles and boundary setting. Requirements include lack of experience because you'll need the element of surprise to keep you on your toes. And you will want to claim to "have had no idea THAT (whatever that is) could happen.” Preferably someone who isn't squeamish around poop or vomit. Loves laundry and cleaning, cooking for the world's pickiest eater. Requires very little sleep or personal time. Prefers going to the bathroom with a child observing all that's happening.
And what would it look like if my son wrote it?
Let the games begin.
Wanted.
Adult who isn't too old to play, but not too young and texts all the time (I hate when people use the phone around me and then tell me I can't have a turn. Learn to share. You're supposed to be a grown up). Must love Elmo, Thomas, construction sites and vehicles of all varieties. Must remain quiet while I drink milk and watch Elmo in the morning. Must be outdoorsy and know all animal sounds. Must enjoy making the "beep beep beep" sound trucks make when moving in reverse. Must love apple juice, meats that come in the shape of balls, chips with humus and cookies. Must enjoy a good wrestling match because I hate having my diaper changed. Must be able to function at peak performance with minimal sleep. Must desire job with zero privacy, no breaks, no performance feedback, no hope for promotion or raise or change of title.
Now. If I were to write it....
Wanted.
Adult with equal parts common sense and street sense to dedicate entire life to a three foot tall sweetie/terror. Responsibilities include life safety, education, socialization, fun, laughter, hugs and cuddles and boundary setting. Requirements include lack of experience because you'll need the element of surprise to keep you on your toes. And you will want to claim to "have had no idea THAT (whatever that is) could happen.” Preferably someone who isn't squeamish around poop or vomit. Loves laundry and cleaning, cooking for the world's pickiest eater. Requires very little sleep or personal time. Prefers going to the bathroom with a child observing all that's happening.
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So, what do you think I forgot in the job post?! Would love to hear what you think!
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