But Hey, Who's Counting?

Today is my son's second birthday. It both seems impossibly fast and yet incredibly slow that he's turning two today.  The time has flown, mostly in part to me still feeling like I'm in the weeds -- trying to get meal times and nap times and bedtimes right -- trying to get to work as close to on time as possible each day -- and just about always feeling like I'm coming up short in one of the many roles I have.

To all the mothers who have it together. Congratulations. To those who don't, well, maybe it will just make the second child that much easier because things won't come undone. They are already still undone from the first.

On milestones like today, I'm overwhelmed with pen in hand as I sit to write an entry in Reece's baby journal.  Like most parents, I try to capture the milestones, but sometimes find many months between entries. So today, I really need to catch up and record who he is at this time. No small feat to summarize a person who changes on what seems like an hourly basis. Now, that could be the mood swings of the terrible-twos, but based on my moodiness and his father's, it's more likely our son's personality than "just a phase."

So, what to say. What to say.  You have used almost 5000 diapers? Consumed more than 20,000 ounces of milk? Been hospitalized once for a concussion that happened on my watch? (can you sense the mommy guilt? if not...I assure you that it's there). You've been on two planes. You can tell us when you've pooped, even though most of the time you lie or pretend you didn't hear us (well done with the latter). 

It's wild to think that of all the milestones, the past two years are so huge. Not only can he hold up the weight of his own head, but he can walk. There was once a time when he didn't even know there were feet attached to his body. Two years ago, he couldn't see, hold an object or roll over. So yes, two years into life and a lot has changed.  He once couldn't chew food. Now he uses utensils and brushes his teeth.  And perhaps most importantly, he has learned the art of manipulation.  Oh, and his dreams have changed. Once a smiley infant, I'm sure dreaming of boobs, he now dreams of trucks and cars.  Boobs might make a return, but for now, it's trucks and cars.

More than anything - well, not more than my love for Reece - so more than most other things, I'm so incredibly grateful that Reece doesn't know that I'm winging it. He doesn't seem to approach me with any hesitation or doubt in my ability and though he can't yet tell me if I'm getting it right or wrong, he's giving me enough feedback that I know he loves me and he trusts me. I can comfort him just as easily as I can make him laugh. And that right there....I'll take that for two years into this wild journey.