Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

If I were to write a letter to myself, pre-baby, the title of this post would be the gist of that letter. In no way am I implying that moms are better than everyone else. What I am saying, though, is that whatever I did before, I can now do it better as a mom.

Now, these are not the sexiest, coolest, most enviable skills. But really, once you convert to "mom jeans" who is worried about cool?

Dishwasher. Markedly improved. I can systematically load and unload in a heartbeat. I can stack it more efficiently and empty it as if I were operating on fast forward. Boom! So proud.

Dishes. When I first started pumping, it took what felt like hours each day to hand wash parts and bottles. Now? Well, I don't want to enter one, but I would crush anyone who challenges me to a breast-pump cleaning contest.

Laundry. I can fold and put away clothes 10x faster than before I became a mom. And two years into sleep deprivation and I have only turned one load pink.

Peeing. Ready for this one? It's a gem. I can now pee comfortably with a two year old on my lap. Jealous?

The shower. I can now take a shower faster than it takes for my son to figure out that I'm in the shower and before he attempts to climb in with me, jammies and all.

Grocery shopping. Don't mess with me in the store. Don't ask me if I need help. Yes, I found what I was looking for or I'm too annoyed to talk to you about what I didn't find becauase now I need to go to another store.

Eating. I don't even think I chew anymore. Wanna dine together? Seriously, I was a fast eater before I became a mom, but the speed at which I now consume food definitely isn't acceptable. I haven't used the prongs in two years. Basically I just scoop food into my mouth and swallow. Not a goal of anyone anywhere.

Makeup. If I can't get it all on while stopped at red lights, then I don't wear it. End of story. Gone are the days of checking in the mirror that everything is blended. I now just slap it on and hope for the best.

Conversations with my husband. We communicate almost exclusively via text. Before our son, we actually spoke during mornings and evenings. Now we can say almost all we need to say in a handful of characters. Go us.

Ambidextrous. By necessity, I can now do most things with both hands. Let's face it, you've got to do what you've got to do.

So fire away! What are your "I can do it better than your pre-baby self" moments?