Or at least he doesn't exist in the form in which we lie - at length - to our children to make them believe. And the truth of the matter is that our parental punishment for the Santa lie is that we have to deliver on the gifts the kids want and create the "magic" of Christmas. Which, as we know, leaves us standing in a long line at the mall for the chance to talk to Santa and to get that ever coveted photo with the bearded stranger, stressed about purchasing the right gifts and hiding them, only to then have to assemble them and lastly to pretend that we are equally surprised that the gifts magically arrived via our chimneys. Oh, and did I mention that Santa often forgets batteries. A-hole. And to top it off, while the children sing the praises of Santa, us parents don't get a 'thank you' for the torment we endured to perpetuate the myth of the jolly ole man. Yes, we are aptly punished for our lies.
With the magic of the holidays upon us, I can't help but to think about what it is that compels us to lie to our children. I'm not referring to the obvious daily lies we tell in order to get through the day - like the "i can send your toothbrush to be tested to find out if you brushed" - but rather the epic lies. You know, the ones we make up and force our children to believe, only to later admit we were lying for years and years, as in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.
The fat man in the suit. For starters.... Santa goes to all houses across the world in one night? It's ok that he comes in unannounced but I will grab you by the arm and scold you for opening the door to someone who politely knocks? He knows exactly what you want and nails it every year? He comes to malls of all places so you can talk to him, but you'll never hear him or see him when he actually shows up at your house? Oh, and he comes via flying reindeer. I don't know if we should be ashamed as parents for perpetuating the myth or pissed at our kids for being so gullible.
The tooth fairy. Yep, there's a fairy who collects dead teeth. How the fck did this one get started?! There's a fairy who will come into your room while you're asleep and take something from underneath your pillow, but trust me, there's no such thing as monsters. How in the world are kids not questioning this? Oh, that's right, the good ole punishment we get for perpetuating the lie....us parents PAY our children not the question it. Why would a child risk hearing the truth when it literally would cost them a pretty penny? No tooth fairy = no pay day. And for the kids who are too young to know better, why don't we tell them, when they are afraid of monsters under their beds, that it's just the tooth fairy checking to see if any new teeth had fallen out? I mean.... I hate this one.
Hippity Hop. Here comes the Easter Bunny! Now, this one challenged me even as a child. Santa has his reindeer. The tooth fairy has wings. How the fck does the Bunny get into the house to leave a basket of candy? Do we leave a key outside? Do we say that the bunny picks the lock with it's teeth? And in the same breath, like the "no monsters," we assure our kids that there's no way a burglar could break in. Nope. Only rabbits can get through the door. And does the tooth fairy love or hate the bunny since the bunny contributes to dental problems with it's jelly beans and Cadbury eggs and hollow chocolate rabbits?
I'm all for the magic of believing, but there's something to be said for just how far we take these lies. With a 2 1/2 year old who just this year understands the concept of Santa, I'm left pondering just how far I take it. When my son sat on Santa's lap (aka a total stranger danger) he said he only wants a garbage truck for Christmas. And what did dear old Santa say? "Reece, what about a puppy?" F-ck you old man. Really? You needed to spike me by introducing the idea of a dog to my 2 1/2 year old?
For this year, the puppy situation is why I want my son to believe in Santa. I can blame the bearded man for forgetting the puppy. As for next year, well, I guess I will just have to see what Reece asks for and if I can pull it off or if I need a Santa scapegoat.
No comments:
Post a Comment