Facing My Past...For My Kids.

I was teased as a kid. By today's standard, bullied is probably what it was, but where I grew-up, we simply didn't call it anything.

"The boys are all saying they can feel the gym shake when you jump up and down." The "friend" who relayed that message wasn't a friend. But what did I know? I didn't cry, but I am 39 years old, 25 years have passed since that was said to me and I could tell you every detail of the moment when that exchanged happened. I could tell you who said it and who laughed. And I bet not one of those people would remember their involvement.

Sure, I was overly confident for a chubby kid. I had my own insecurity issues and looked for "love" in places where it never would be found. I didn't choose friends wisely, but when you are a default member of the popular crowd because your brother is super cool and your parents are friends with cool girls' parents, you just take it as it comes, regardless of what comes your way.

I remember the night when during a sleepover, we were all changing and I was last to get dressed and as I walked into the den/family room where we were all going to huddle to watch a movie, I heard "You guys, we have to be friends with her. Maybe she'll fall asleep first so we can draw on her face." I won't forget a single word of what I heard, who said, where it was said or when. 30 years later and it still makes me sick to think about. And yet, I walked into that room after having heard that and didn't shed a tear. I never did. But I didn't tell anyone. Not until I'm telling all of you right now. Because something in me was weak enough to not choose something better, but there was something about me that was strong enough to know that these girls wouldn't break me.

I hadn't thought about the way I was teased until my son started Kindergarten. Not until I sent him into a school where he walked in by himself and would have to navigate his relationships in a much different way than in preschool. Off he went. God, I hope I did enough to make him brave, strong, compassionate and kind.

I realize, as a adult who hasn't fully let go of the past, that it's not just about being teased, but it's how you process it that makes the difference. While I didn't cry about it as a kid, I also didn't deal with it. And because of that, I've never been secure in friendships. I have met extraordinary people and spent years being close to dear friends, only to later walk away from those friends. Never out of dislike or ego, but it was my self-defense. I left friendships like people leave parties -- on a high note. The girls who turned on me as an adolescent were people I thought were friends and I carried around the baggage of the hurt and betrayal for decades.

But I don't want that for my child and this is where I have to do better. Be better. For my kid. I feel like in many ways being a parent forces a person to take a personal inventory, whether you like it or not, and think about the things you hope to pass on to your child and the things you hope to make better, do better, role model better, for your child. This is when parenting is hard work. Not the sleepless nights, hours spent on the infant circuit of feed, play mat, bouncer, nap, feed, play mat, bouncer, nap, etc. But for me, in helping my children understand their feelings, process, articulate and manage emotions, and to live with self-awareness to know what Mary Mihalic said, "Nobody's better than you and you're no better than anybody.” And while that feels like a tall order, that's not even half of what I hope and want for my child.

One of the most surprising things about being a parent is that I am willing to face issues for the benefit of my children. Things I've spent years pushing down, shoving into a proverbial box, I'm now elbows deep into that box of feelings trying to make sense of it all. I'm not analyzing everything I've experienced or living with regret of every mistake, but those things that I've compartmentalized can't stay there if there's something to be learned that will benefit my child. Things I haven't faced or processed now feel like wasted experiences - hard, dark, deep and scary - they are my truths and there is something to be learned from them.

I entered parenthood knowing there are are both things that I do and don't want to pass on to my children. There are situations they will face where I feel confident in how I can support them and there are situations when I know I will need advice. But I didn't realize how firmly my feet would have to be planted in my own identity in order to be fully present for my children. I can't be the person who feels vulnerable in relationships if I'm the one who should be role modeling them for my children. I can't be the one who feels insecure about my appearance if I want my children to be proud of their own.

With that I realize that my want for my children to be brave The Land strong is something I also want for myself.

###

Facing My Past...For My Kids.

I was teased as a kid. By today's standard, bullied is probably what it was, but where I grew-up, we simply didn't call it anything.

"The boys are all saying they can feel the gym shake when you jump up and down." The "friend" who relayed that message wasn't a friend. But what did I know? I didn't cry, but I am 39 years old, 25 years have passed since that was said to me and I could tell you every detail of the moment when that exchanged happened. I could tell you who said it and who laughed. And I bet not one of those people would remember their involvement.

Sure, I was overly confident for a chubby kid. I had my own insecurity issues and looked for "love" in places where it never would be found. I didn't choose friends wisely, but when you are a default member of the popular crowd because your brother is super cool and your parents are friends with cool girls' parents, you just take it as it comes, regardless of what comes your way.

I remember the night when during a sleepover, we were all changing and I was last to get dressed and as I walked into the den/family room where we were all going to huddle to watch a movie, I heard "You guys, we have to be friends with her. Maybe she'll fall asleep first so we can draw on her face." I won't forget a single word of what I heard, who said, where it was said or when. 30 years later and it still makes me sick to think about. And yet, I walked into that room after having heard that and didn't shed a tear. I never did. But I didn't tell anyone. Not until I'm telling all of you right now. Because something in me was weak enough to not choose something better, but there was something about me that was strong enough to know that these girls wouldn't break me.

I hadn't thought about the way I was teased until my son started Kindergarten. Not until I sent him into a school where he walked in by himself and would have to navigate his relationships in a much different way than in preschool. Off he went. God, I hope I did enough to make him brave, strong, compassionate and kind.

I realize, as a adult who hasn't fully let go of the past, that it's not just about being teased, but it's how you process it that makes the difference. While I didn't cry about it as a kid, I also didn't deal with it. And because of that, I've never been secure in friendships. I have met extraordinary people and spent years being close to dear friends, only to later walk away from those friends. Never out of dislike or ego, but it was my self-defense. I left friendships like people leave parties -- on a high note. The girls who turned on me as an adolescent were people I thought were friends and I carried around the baggage of the hurt and betrayal for decades.

But I don't want that for my child and this is where I have to do better. Be better. For my kid. I feel like in many ways being a parent forces a person to take a personal inventory, whether you like it or not, and think about the things you hope to pass on to your child and the things you hope to make better, do better, role model better, for your child. This is when parenting is hard work. Not the sleepless nights, hours spent on the infant circuit of feed, play mat, bouncer, nap, feed, play mat, bouncer, nap, etc. But for me, in helping my children understand their feelings, process, articulate and manage emotions, and to live with self-awareness to know what Mary Mihalic said, "Nobody's better than you and you're no better than anybody.” And while that feels like a tall order, that's not even half of what I hope and want for my child.

One of the most surprising things about being a parent is that I am willing to face issues for the benefit of my children. Things I've spent years pushing down, shoving into a proverbial box, I'm now elbows deep into that box of feelings trying to make sense of it all. I'm not analyzing everything I've experienced or living with regret of every mistake, but those things that I've compartmentalized can't stay there if there's something to be learned that will benefit my child. Things I haven't faced or processed now feel like wasted experiences - hard, dark, deep and scary - they are my truths and there is something to be learned from them.

I entered parenthood knowing there are are both things that I do and don't want to pass on to my children. There are situations they will face where I feel confident in how I can support them and there are situations when I know I will need advice. But I didn't realize how firmly my feet would have to be planted in my own identity in order to be fully present for my children. I can't be the person who feels vulnerable in relationships if I'm the one who should be role modeling them for my children. I can't be the one who feels insecure about my appearance if I want my children to be proud of their own.

With that I realize that my want for my children to be brave The Land strong is something I also want for myself.

###

Five Summer Essentials

Having just shopped for, tried and fallen in love with a few beach essentials, I want to share my finds, plus one trick I learned for leaving sand at the beach.

Sport-Brella SUPER-BRELLA Umbrella  

I have tried many variations of the beach cabana and tent and this umbrella far exceeds anything I've tried. For starters, you don't need to be Houdini to figure out how to set it up and collapse it. It also comes in various sizes so you can find something that works for your family, not just the youngest. Below are key stats from Amazon.

• UPF 50+ sun and weather protection and water repellent, protects over 99.5% of UVA and UVB rays
• Side zippered windows for efficient airflow
• Easiest setup sun shelter available thanks to folding umbrella action. Includes carry bag and ground stakes.
• Internal pockets for valuables and gear

JJ Cole Outdoor Blanket

Perfect for the beach or really anywhere you want to create a place for you and your kids to sit, this is our family go-to blanket. As you can see, you can fold this (easy to do) into a compact blanket that has a built in carry strap. The material is water resistant so no need to worry about wet bathing suits or spills. Easy to wipe clean and easy to brush off sand.








Stearns Puddle Jumpers Life Jacket

Without question, my family would not enjoy beach vacations or trips to the pool without these life jackets. First and foremost, they are U.S. Coast Guard approved so I feel confident in its design and quality as a flotation aid. My children have never complained about wearing this vest which is a huge bonus. Unlike others, it doesn't limit arm movement, come up around their necks or require a crotch strap.











Baby Powder = Instant Sand Remover
A mother of three whose children are older than mine passed down to me this amazing trick of using baby powder to remove sand from hands, feet, faces, and the many other places we find sand on our kiddos. Apply generously, rub the sand covered surface and watch the sand magically fall away. To learn more, check out My favorite beach trick.

Scout bags.

FINALLY! A company has produced durable, sensible, stylish beach and pool bags for families, From bags that could hold half a dozen towels + beach toys to lunch bags, Scout makes it all. Though I love the patterns and variety of bags, the bottom line is exactly what the company promotes on its site:

Travel John Jr. - Disposable Urinal Bags.
Not kidding. These have saved me. For the child who is potty trained, but there's no place to go or no time to get there. For the toddler who is in the midst of potty training and you don't want to carry around a little portable potty, these will save you.

If this weren't a blog targeted towards parents, I would refrain, but here's what you need to know. Thank you, Amazon. "They are convenient, unisexed, sanitary, personal urinals containing "Liqsorb", the key ingredient that makes this work. Liqsorb is a combination of an exclusive biodegradable non-woven fabric pouch containing a biodegradable polymer substance that immobilizes bacterial growth quickly - absorbing liquid waste and turning it into an odorless, spill-proof solid gel bag that is non-toxic and waste disposal safe. The unisex adapter makes it easy for anyone and everyone, even children, to use while sitting (providing there is the use of gravity with an unobstructed, free-flowing opening) or standing, and a spill guard prevents back flow during use."

Now go buy them! 

Friday Favorites: Baby Gear & Clothes

Seeking advice from and swapping opinions with other parents about preferred brands and kids items is the number one way I shop for my children. Over the years I've purchased, loved, hated, replaced and repeat purchased a lot of things. Here are a few of my all time favorite items for babies.

Puj Tub is something I've now purchased twice (only because we thought we were done after baby #2, but surprise...#3 came along). This tub is not only a space saver as it lays flat compared to the larger, non collapsible infant tubs, but it's easy to use, easy to clean and fits in just about any size sink making bathing a baby a lot less intimidating and cumbersome.

Tiny Love's Classic Developmental Mobile is unrivaled, in my opinion, as for all three of my children, it has been the #1 favorite item above any play mat. It's easy to assemble, easy to attach to the crib without harming the wood, provides a multitude of options and honestly, my kids have all just been so incredibly excited to look up at this mobile that it's been one of the best "babysitters" of all time.

Vulli Sophie the Giraffe is a staple of infancy. I can't explain the obsession my children have with this toy, but one squeeze, one squeak, one giraffe leg in their mouth, and it's love.

There is a reason that the Marpac DOHM-DS, Natural White Noise Sound Machine is a #1 best seller on Amazon. The product description on Amazon boats that this product was "named "Official Sound Conditioner" of the National Sleep Foundation." Instead of a digital recording, it has a built-in fan that creates the sound of rushing air. Choose high or low speed, then twist the cap to increase or decrease the size of the sound hole openings. By adjusting the speed and sound openings, you'll customize the volume and tone to find a soothing white noise that's ideal for you."

The BABYBJÖRN Travel Crib Light has been the gold standard for my family when it comes to traveling with our children. Unlike some of its competitors, it is incredibly lightweight, fits in an easy to carry bag and the frame is all one piece that assembles easily and within a minute. The mattress offers the perfect amount of pad. This crib is also the perfect size for travel --  requiring less space than some other similar products, which gives you more options for how to arrange your room when traveling.Crib comes in multiple colors.

H&M has incredible clothing and accessories for babies and the line includes items made with organic cotton. The patterns and styles, even for babies, are what you would expect from H&M. From basics to more stylish pieces, two infant wardrobe items that my children have lived in include the side snap bodysuits (I love the side snap vs. having to pull something over babies head) and the footed tights. Both items come in 10 different colors/patterns.

I am in love with Target's Circo™ Baby 2-Pack Footed Sleepers. When it comes to baby sleepwear, I am picky (or maybe just lazy). I only purchase footed one-pieces that zip as I always mismatch the snaps on the other one-pieces and become frustrated at getting everything snapped together when it feels like I change my baby ever hour.  Not only do these sleepers zip, but they zip from the bottom up vs. the traditional top to bottom zipper. What's the benefit? It means for late night diaper changes, you can easily access the diaper by just uncovering your babies legs, leaving them still cozy on the upper half and less disturbed in hopes that you can do a quick change and put them back in the crib. Genius!

Wee BOOTIES are my latest obsession. I was lucky enough to receive a pair to review and there's nothing I don't like about the BOOTIES. I gravitate to all things practical for my kids, but never want to compromise on quality or style. Wee BOOTIES are the solution for keeping tiny feet cozy in any type of weather as the styles and materials vary. The ultimate staple for a baby wardrobe or the perfect gift for a mama to be.

Food Bullies. Going Nuts Over School Food Policies.

http://florida-allergy.com/tag/food-allergy-support-groups/

"We have a nut allergy in our class."

Whether this is a statement announced at back to school night, a letter or email issued to parents from a teacher or a sign posted outside your child's classroom, inevitably, or so it seems, the parents of the children who do not have the allergy sigh heavily, roll eyes, mumble something to themselves and later complain to a sympathetic ear that "Ugh. There's a nut allergy in the class. This is so annoying."

To all the parents and caregivers who are annoyed that some schools establish nut-free policies, I'm sorry. Genuinely. I get it. I was once you. I understand that any added inconvenience when it comes to getting kids to eat meals and having to prepare food other than what your child may prefer is annoying. I know that not being able to just grab any type of cupcake or cake for your child's in class birthday celebration usually requires an extra trip to a store you may not frequent. I recognize that you may feel that my child's allergy is becoming your problem and that's annoying. But I prefer you being annoyed to my child being dead.

I could go on and on and surely back and forth with other parents about the pros and cons of nut policies. As someone who doesn't believe in their absolute effectiveness, I assure you I'm not just on one side of the conversation. And I am very aware of the arguments and validity over concerns and sensitivities surrounding children with diabetes, parents who choose not to immunize their kids and needs to properly honor religious customs. Again, I don't sit on just one side of the policy and recognize that there are issues beyond nuts that aren't addressed. But regardless of the policy the biggest thing missing from the conversation is the child who has the allergy. The driver of the policy is the one with the smallest voice.

To my surprise, I've learned that it's not uncommon for schools to separate children with food allergies from other children at meal time. The same strategy for disciplining kids - putting them in time out or in isolation from the group - is the same strategy implemented for food allergies. So those who misbehave and those who have allergies are treated the same. My child feels punished for something he didn't do. We've traded a policy intended to keep children physically safe for a policy that socially alienates children.

Think about all the books, TV shows and movies we've all seen about the social dynamics of lunch time in schools and then imagine those dynamics starting at the age of four. From a young age through adulthood, meal time is a social time. It's a time when we interact with one another. For children at school, it's a time to talk with friends, meet new friends, laugh and swap stories and participate in the social aspects of meal time. Unless of course you have a food allergy and your table is chosen. And in the worst cases, this means your child could be eating alone or that he or she may be the "brown-noser" who eats with the teacher. In any case, these children are identified as different and by all measures, ripe for teasing.

Handled properly, we read stories such as this one When A Teachers Email About My Sons Food Allergies Made Me Cry. It's a heartwarming moment for a mother of a child with severe food allergies who otherwise is virtually always excluded from classroom celebrations that involve food, and a teacher's sensitivity to wanting that child to feel more included. This is the rare exception, however, or so it seems. What feels more like the norm is Dear Teacher of My Food Allergic Child in which a parent of a child with food allergies pens a letter to the teacher of her daughter explaining that the ways she is excluded from the class and alienated because of her food allergies has completely diminished the positives of attending school.

While having a child with a food allergy in the same class with your non-allergic child may feel like a nuisance, think about how little is asked of you to keep the allergic child safe. One meal a day at schools where parents pack a lunch. That's it. As the parent of a child with food allergies, I don't make any special requests at play dates or birthday parties. I know to pack an extra meal, specific snacks or a substitute treat in case my child can't eat what is being served.  And my child doesn't cry when there's a cake he can't eat. He doesn't whimper when there's a snack he can't have. He knows his allergy is serious and it's important to make safe choices. So, if a four year old can handle the burden of a life with food allergies, why does it seem like adults have such a hard time?

The thing about food allergies and children is that it's not all about the allergy, but it's about how we react to them and how that is what affects the child. It's heartbreaking that it's not enough to worry about my child's safety, but that I need to worry that adults won't create an environment in which he's bullied for it.

Nothing Runs on Empty. Except Parents.

Today is the day when being the mother of three children has completely emptied my tank. And it's not just empty, the tank is bone dry.

I just looked at my infant and said out loud, "We did it. We made it through another night." And although I just celebrated making it through another hideous night of fractured sleep and feedings, I am already overcome with anxiety about getting through another night with my three month old. #tankempty

My work hours are 24-hours a day, seven days a week. And my office is my house. As someone once said, "parenting is the only job you never get to go home from." Ain't that the truth. In this "office" of mine, all phone calls are conference calls as I'm rarely able to limit the number of participants to less than two. Given the number of people who accompany me into the bathroom, all bathrooms in my home feel public. I'll never get a raise. I'll never get a bonus. But I do receive regular "reviews" that come in the form of feedback such as "But Mom, you NEVER let me use the iPad." My office mates feel more like cellmates, or so I imagine.They are all up in my business and don't contribute to my productivity. In fact, they are the ultimate detractors.

It doesn't matter how much coffee I drink, how many sugar free Red Bulls I consume. I'm not just exhausted, I'm depleted. Welcome to parenthood.

I remember before I had my first, someone said that the sleep deprivation is unimaginable. What no one told me is that it's all the other moving pieces that exhaust you. It's the constant worry, the routine visits to the pediatrician, the scheduling every move around feedings and diaper blow-outs, managing school schedules and the dozens of activities and parties that consume not just your child's life, but your own. Oh, and the laundry. Why doesn't anyone warn you about the endless loads of laundry?

What I've learned is that parenting empties the tank. Being a parent, though, means you need to figure out how to run on empty. And shockingly, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

What's Changed Since Baby #3 Arrived? Everything.

Photo Credit: Don Bringas

It's been three months since my third child arrived and here are a few observations and realities now that mine is a family of five.

1. The world is built for families of four. There are two top tables. There are four top tables. Never do you arrive at a restaurant and find they are putting a two top and three top together for your family. Planes with two seats on one side and three seats on the other side of the aisle aren't designed for a family of five. One parent loses massively when on the three seater side, sandwiched between two children who surely only want the very things you can't reach while the "Fasten Seat belt" sign is on. And it's ALWAYS on. The only thing designed for families of five are minivans.
2. Instead of having one child in the bathroom with me, I now have two. One on my lap. Yes, on my lap. And one who hands me toilet paper. I assure you the toilet paper handler isn't a helper. Just a handler of all things in all bathrooms. 
3. Someone is always sick. Always. The day we brought our third home was the day we learned Hand, Foot and Mouth was going around our son's school. That should have been an indication of what was to come. The day our daughter recovered from a cold we learned our infant had a respiratory infection. The day our son recovered from a 24-hour stomach bug, our daughter had it. And then my husband. And then me. And then my father. And then my mother. And then....well....someone got something else.
4. Books have "lost" pages. And by lost, I mean that when reading to our kids at night, I often "accidentally" turn several pages at a time to shorten a 30 page book into something closer resembling 15 pages because there's still a child who needs something even after two of them are in bed.
5. Chips and a fruit squeezie constitute a meal. 
6. When out in public it's easy to spot which child was the most difficult to get out the door because that's the child who looks homeless or at the very least, not particularly cared for.
7. "The two of you need to work things out on your own" lesson has started earlier than our children can comprehend because it's so much more convenient than actually parenting.
8. We throw money at problems. In order to avoid taking our older (he's four) son's kindness and patience for granted, we've started giving him an allowance for helping get his sister ready in the morning. (Follow-up to #6: This is where I have clued you into the fact that she's the one who tends to look the least cared for.)
9. The bar has dropped. And I mean dropped like you when you would do the Limbo and there was just no way you were getting under that stick. Yes, that's the level to which I've lowered the bar of expectations for most things. Instead of failing each day, I tend to over achieve. It's a much better approach to life when outnumbered.
10. At the end of each day, after tucking them in at night, I immediately start to miss them.

Shots Fired. Trust Shattered.

This post is not a political opinion piece, nor does this even scratch the surface of the atrocities and pain of the mass shootings in this country. This post is about my experience as a mother.

Every night, my son's bedtime routine ends with the following questions.

"Is a monster going to come in?"
"Is the smoke detector going to beep?"
"Will you leave my door open a little bit?"
"Will you check on me in one minute?"

My son thrives on routine and embodies some of my neuroses and anxiety, hence the same four questions every night. As of late, I leave his room thinking about the enormity of guilt I have as I reassure him of his safety and yet I'm not in control of it at all. Or at least that's how it feels.

I'm not afraid of  falls, scrapes, bumps, bruises, hurt feelings, time-outs, tears, disappointments and all of the very real things children need to experience to grow. And I don't hesitate before sending my kids to school each day and I don't want to and that's the point.

My three children are young and as someone once said to me, "When your children are young, parenting is hard. When your children are older, parenting is complicated." While I'm sure I won't fully appreciate the brilliance of this statement until my children are older, already, I get what the person meant as we face the conversations with our children about the world we live in.

For my children, it's simple. Their trust in me and their father enables them to try new things without hesitation, to feel safe exploring new places, meeting a new friend or babysitter, to feel safe in a new school or after school program. When we are at the playground and one of the kids hesitates to climb or jump, they look to me or their dad and we either give a knowing nod of reassurance that we know they can do it on their own or we offer words of encouragement for the kids to decide if they want to try it on their own or if they want help. Our kids trust that we will keep them safe --- if we tell them we know they can do something, they don't hesitate. It's one of the most brilliant gifts of parenting young children. But recently, it also feels like a burden.

These young children know nothing of a world that's outside of the "bubble" created for them by us parents. They are privileged to not question if how I dress them will keep them warm. Of course it will. They need not question if they have their lunch. If their school has nice teachers. If they will come home to a nanny they adore and who will ensure a fun filled afternoon of games, play, hugs and kisses. The responsibility of being a parent feels enormous when things happen in this world that force us to accept that no matter how hard we work at creating this "bubble," it inevitably isn't a sustainable existence. And honestly, that's fine. In fact it's good for kids to know something about the real world. It's why donating toys and food and being involved in community activities is something we value enormously. It's one of the easiest ways for us to humble our kids. But when it comes to bursting the proverbial bubble, how in the hell do we do it without terrifying our children about the world we live in.

My children's entire life depends upon and is built around a foundation of trust in me and my word and the sense of safety, security and routine that they feel. I understand that I can't ever pretend that we live in a world where I can guarantee their safety at all times. Accidents happen. Things happen. Life happens. But what about when it comes to their safety in the very places they most depend on it, such as school. How do I explain that? God, I don't want to. My heartaches for anyone who has children of an age who ask about school shootings. Or, the horror, have experienced a school shooting.

I'm not paranoid about our world. I'm not afraid of reality. I'm not naive to the fact that I'm privileged to not live in a war zone. But I am a parent and more than that, I am the #1 advocate for my children. My children's lives are only as safe as I am loud in requiring that there not be danger in places where danger should never lurk. Under the bed? No monsters. In the closet? No monsters. At school? We should all be able to confidently say, No monsters.

I don't have an answer for how we end senseless violence. For how we normalize things that should be normal, like going to school and going to the doctor and doing those things without fear. What I do know is that I will raise my voice. I will scream and shout support for those who will help lead us to one. My kids deserve it.

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If you want your voice to be heard, please check out the website for the March  for Gun Safety to join a march near you.

Where to Go with Kids in DC: Museums

When it comes to finding an indoor activity to do with kids, there are many perks to living in Washington, D.C. With the countless museums and the metro accessibility, not only can you find a place to go, but getting there can be a thrill for your child if you take a train or bus. Here are some of my families favorite spots.

The Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum is virtually an unbeatable destination. When you enter the museum, you are immediately transported into exhibits as there are planes and rockets hanging from the ceiling and exhibitions throughout the open main floor. While there's so much to see, there's also so much to do. There is the "How Things Fly" designed to teach about the many aspects of air travel through hands-on stations. There are more buttons to push than you can imagine and the stations are engaging for not only the wee ones, but the older kids, too. In this area there's also a real plane where kids can climb into the cockpit to experience what it's like to be a pilot.

(Air and Space Museum's "How Things Fly," Photo Credit Smithsonian Institution)

For older kids and adults there is a flight simulator area where you can really get the adrenaline pumping depending on how adventurous you're feeling. There's also an IMAX theater that shows a variety of films, some of which are kid friendly and some are for an older set. And if you are ok with fast food, you'll be pleased to know there's a food court in the museum that has McDonald's, Boston Market and a pizzeria.

The National Building Museum offers a lot in the way of entertainment. First, there's a huge hall where you can let your little one(s) run free, but more than that, they have activities for families, kid friendly exhibits, a dedicated children's play room and large building blocks for kids to use, along with other rotating family friendly events. In terms of ease of accessibility on a rainy or snowy day, the Museum is across the street from the Judiciary Square metro and only a few blocks from the Gallery Place station.

The National Portrait Gallery is one of my families favorite indoor "playgrounds." I've found that it's easy to make a game of looking at the portraits with kids. From counting the number of boys vs. girls to asking kids to find their favorite portraits, you can actually see the art of the museum with young ones. But if that's not what you had in mind and you just need a destination, this is the spot (sorry art lovers who loathe all the wild kids).

(Portrait Gallery Museum. Photo Credit Smithsonian Institution) 

The Robert and Arlene Kogod Courtyard  (photo above) at this museum is amazing. The glass ceiling is incredible on a clear day and also a rainy one and it's an expansive area where kids can run around without causing any trouble. There is a water feature that is a huge hit with kids. Basically a water feature on the floor that enables kids to run, kick, play and slosh around in less than an inch of water and the feature runs almost the entire length of the atrium so there's room for everyone to explore. Bonus is the cafe adjacent to the atrium where you can score a great lunch and also a mini bottle of wine...or coffee....or water.  As for location, it's virtually unbeatable as you are just blocks from the Gallery Place, Metro Center and Judiciary Square metro stations and you're surrounded by the many casual dining options that come with a Gallery Place/Verizon Center location.

The National Museum of Natural History requires no added activities beyond what it has to offer with its exhibitions and discovery stations. This museum has it all in terms of grabbing and keeping the interest of young ones. From the African Elephant in the rotunda to the amazing coral reef, it's hard to move children through the museum because there's so much that captures their attention. For those who want a hands-on experience this museum doesn't disappoint. As with some other Smithsonian institutions, there are discovery stations where you can learn more about what you see in exhibitions and often touch various objects. There is also the Q?rius Discover Room, ".. a hands-on room featuring real Museum objects and artifacts. During Open Hours, visitors explore activities representing exhibitions and behind-the-scenes research at the Museum. Visitors of all ages can look at fossils, skulls, shells and minerals, use a microscope, try on traditional clothing from around the world, and much more!"

The National Museum of American History is an incredible experience as children can take in the magnificent halls of the museum, take a seat on a train car in the America on the Move exhibition, see the U.S. flag constructed out of LEGO® (on exhibit through the end of 2015). For kids ages six to twelve, there is also Spark!Lab. "Spark!Lab is where museum visitors become inventors. The Lemelson Center for the Study of Invention and Innovation invites children between the ages of 6 and 12 to create, collaborate, explore, test, experiment, and invent. Activities for children and families incorporate traditional science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) with art, museum, and creativity. Spark!Lab activities are designed around common themes that connect to Museum collections and exhibitions. These themes will change on a regular basis, ensuring that regular visitors have something new to explore."

Another great spot is the National Museum of the American Indian. The building itself is gorgeous and something worth seeing in DC, let alone all that the museum has to offer inside.

                                                     (National Museum of the American Indian. Photo credit Smithsonian Institution)

Throughout the museum, like others, you may find learning stations or discovery carts where you have a hands-on experience that's relevant to something you will find or learn about during your visit. In addition, one of the incredible aspects of this museum is the imagiNATIONS Activity Center. "The interactive, family-friendly imagiNATIONS Activity Center provides visitors of all ages with a multitude of unique learning experiences... Visitors to the center can explore some of these ingenious adaptations through a variety of hands-on activities: Weave a giant basket to learn about the various styles of basketry. Explore different modes of transportation like snowshoes and skateboards. Sit inside a full-sized tipi and learn about the buffalo... Additionally, the activity center offers stories about Native cultures or by Native authors, available for reading in the center’s story room. The craft room offers visitors the opportunity to create art projects and take them home..."

Possibly one of the best dining experiences on/around the National Mall is the National Museum of the American Indian's Mitsitam Cafe. The Cafe has several different food stations, each representing Native foods from different regions. It's an incredible dining experience offering visitors the opportunity to taste authentic and contemporary foods from various regions.

Bonus...

If you happen to visit one of the museums located around the National Mall on a day that's not too chilly, you can treat the kids to a ride on the National Carousel post-museum visit. 

(Photo Credit, National Carousel)

Once Upon a Time, When I Didn't Have Kids

Rainy days like today, when the cabin fever induced screams of my children are as overwhelming as complete silence in the playroom, I can't help but to think back to a time when I didn't have children.

In a land far, far, far, far, very far away, I lived with my husband in D.C. We had the right amount of space for the two of us and all of our belongings were contained in closets and on shelves. There weren't any bins or baskets littered throughout the house, overflowing with randomness. On rainy days like today, we would easily sleep in as the sun wouldn't be creeping through the blinds. After a cup or two of coffee, we would make breakfast and read the paper and then spend a lot of time contemplating what movie we would see and at what time. Oh the horrors and stress of those conversations. Do we go to a matinee followed by lunch? No, because we would be full from popcorn and candy. Yes, we definitely didn't want a movie time that would alter our three daily meals or desire to gorge on popcorn and Sno-Caps. But if we were going to Georgetown, the theater would be so crowded and parking would be such a hassle. We would interrupt our movie making plans to make dinner reservations as we wouldn't want to miss a night out. After quickly reaching out to friends - all of whom could make plans at a whim because none of us had kids - we would then work backwards from dinner to lunch to decide on a movie and time. Yes, this was a typical rainy day before kids and the movie conversation felt stressful.

Having just spent two hours at an indoor bouncy house facility that smelled like feet, I can't help but daydream of life before kids and the things I used to do. I'm not sure about you, but here are some things I imagine being able to do again, albeit that with three children under the age of five, it feels like these things will only happen in a land far, far away.

One day I will again be able to buy magazines at the airport - LOTS of them - and read them at my leisure on the plane.

One day I will be able to sit in a lounge chair poolside and close my eyes.  For now, I just stand poolside and barely allow myself to blink for fear of kids around water.

One day I will go on a beach vacation and layout on a blanket. Oh the thrill of laying down by myself on a blanket that's not covered in sand from little feet running across it as if it weren't there at all.

One day I will take a long, lingering shower because I won't fear a child sticking his or her head behind the curtain to play peekaboo.

One day I won't have to announce my every move - like that "mommy needs to go to the potty" - and I'll just be able to go.

One day I won't say the word potty.

One day the only ass I will wipe is my own.

One day I will be able to select 'shuffle' on my iTunes and not have every other song be children's music.

One day I won't need a minivan.

One day I will be able to easily pull into my garage and not have to rearrange strollers, bikes and randomness in order to make room for my car.

One day I will be able to open all of the drawers and cabinets in my house without undoing child safety locks.

One day I will be able to fill a vase with flowers and not worry that it will get broken or that someone will eat the flowers.

One day I will be able to eat without being asked what I'm eating and why.

One day I am sure I will look back and miss all of the above. Or at least some of the above. Or maybe one of the above. Or, maybe not.

My Favorite Products: Water Bottles and Sippy Cups

It's amazing to me how products changed in the four years between my first and third child.  From bottles to bouncers, strollers, car seats, toys and more.

After hundreds of orders from places like Buy Buy Baby, BabiesRUs, Diapers.com, Target and Amazon, there are some products I've found that I simply can't - or don't want to - live without. So here's a peak into what's in my Mommy Survival Kit. Please share what items you can't live without!

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When it comes to sippy cups, it's taken me years to find ones that truly do not leak, are easy to assemble, easy for my kids to use, and because I'm a germaphobe, keep the straws covered. Here are my top pics:

1. Contigo bottles have never failed me. They are easy to clean, easy to use (one touch and the straw/mouthpiece pops up) and my kids love the designs.

2. The Munchkin Click-Lock Weighted Flexi Straw Cup was the absolute best find when transitioning my daughter to drinking from a straw. Because of the weighted straw, my daughter can hold this cup at any angle and still be able to drink from it. As she always tilts cups, as she sees the way adults use them, any cup that requires she hold it upright in order to get a drink, doesn't work. This cups also comes with any easy to use sliding cover for the straw which is great for keeping it clean and the handles are easy for little ones to carry.

3. Avent Straw Cups are a new find. After filling my daughter's sippy cups and securing the lid, my independent rascal likes to unscrew the lid and put it back on herself. As you can imagine, this leads to countless spills and a lot of frustration of spilled drinks. These nifty cups have lids that secure similarly to medicine bottles. You need to press on the sides of the lid in order to twist it to remove it, so once it's on, I know she can't then get it off and make a mess. Genius. The top does easily twist to cover the straw, but you can't remove the lid without squeezing the two pressure points.

I would love to know what I'm missing out on if you've found a great cup that doesn't leave a puddle of liquid in your diaper bag!

I'm Certain that Ice Cream Truck Drivers Hate Parents

The music is unmistakable and it usually comes right before lunch or right before dinner. It's as if the ice cream truck driver times his or her arrival at playgrounds just to piss parents off as a great morning or afternoon of play instantly evaporates into a crying, screaming, shrieking, tantrum as you inform your child he or she must eat lunch or dinner before having ice cream. Alternately, you might say yes to ice cream, but you know that you're simply delaying a battle of wills that will be waged at home once the sugar rush is gone and you're left with a toddler who has subsided only on sugar for an afternoon and whose face is stained with food coloring from a giant ice something. You'll then tell yourself that the food coloring isn't so bad because you otherwise feed your child organic food. What follows is a wave of guilt over not standing your ground, followed by the reminder that it was just ice cream. You'll only remember the annoyance of it all when you next hear that ice cream truck music.

I have to believe that ice cream truck drivers hate parents. Why else would they pull up to playgrounds right before lunch and right before dinner? We are talking arrivals at playgrounds between 11:15am-12:15pm and 5:00pm-5:30pm. What ever happened to snack time? What about pulling up between 2:00pm-4:00pm? Or do you, dear ice cream truck drivers, know the ins and outs of What to Expect: The Toddler Years and know that our kids are napping until past 3:00pm making an arrival at the playground before 4:00pm unlikely. And it is, after all, the toddlers you are targeting, right? Because those cherubic faces are the ones us parents can't say no to so we are the bulk of your business.

Here's what I think should happen, to the benefit of parents and ice cream truck drivers all across the land...

Roll-up to any playground between 2:00pm-4:00pm with ice cream. Then, roll through my neighborhood delivering wine between the hours of 5:00pm-7:00pm. Then, and only then, will I believe that you don't hate parents.

Secrets Women Keep

There, I said it.  Women keep secrets from each other. There's no malicious intent, just an unspoken, "Trust me, you don't want to know" attitude that women who have been through childbirth have when it comes to talking to first time pregnant friends.

The other side of this is you find that there's absolutely no topic that you won't discuss with other new mothers after going through pregnancy and childbirth. And I mean, there is zero filter. Or at least that's been my experience.

I've never - not for one single moment - thought "who can I talk to about all of these strange and disgusting and surprising things" and perhaps that's because after having a child, I could talk to any other new mother I encountered -- close friend, colleague or complete stranger.

Being asked, "Did you have an episiotomy?" is one of the ways women swing open the door of new mother bonding. Yes, conversations have begun with an inquiry into lady parts. Not your traditional "So, where did you grow up?" means of conversation while getting to know someone. This is the Let's Do This approach new mothers take to bonding with other women. We are sleep deprived, our hormones all over the place (of note, that statement can only be made by self admission), and we are drowning in a deep sea of information and opinions. We are desperate for adult conversation and empathy and have no time for beating around the bush.

"Do you pee a little when you exercise?"

"So, your nipples..."

"Do you think I can convince my doctor to tell my partner that six weeks is too soon?" 

"Have you started your period?"

"Do you think the OB expected that I would have been waxed before I went to the hospital?"

These are just a sampling of the conversations us ladies have post birth. None of these, while openly discussed AD (After Delivery) would be discussed PD (Pre-Delivery) with unknowing friends for two reasons,  1) You don't want to diminish the beauty and excitement of having a baby and 2) You can't possibly stop once you start revealing the things that transpire during labor & delivery and shortly thereafter.

But today, oh today, this is the day when I'm going to shed just a little light on a few of the "mysteries" of post-birth as I'm currently "enjoying" these milestones.

You Don't "Bounce Back" After Baby. Not only may it take months to lose the baby weight, it's highly likely that your body will never be the same as it was pre-baby. That's not to say it won't be an awesome new body. The number on the scale may indicate "you're back," but your hips may remain a bit wider, your feet a bit bigger, your ass a lot flatter....

From Playboy to National Geographic. While you may feel like it's impossible to believe that you will go from a B cup to a DD cup to an A cup, that's what is going to happen. Before you can enjoy your huge boobs, you will lose them and they will be replaced with something that more resembles National Geographic photos than ones you'll find in Playboy.

Breast-feeding is a Pain. Breast-feeding hurts. There are the sore nipples -- the blisters,dryness, chaffing and bleeding that can accompany the time when you struggle to "get it right." Then you have the risks of blocked ducts and thrush. But even on a good day, with no other complications, you endure "The 60 Second Sizzle" when your child starts nursing. You're welcome.

Fall Out. Your hair is going to fall out. The thick mop of hair you acquired during pregnancy is going to fall out. Not all of it, but you are going to shed a lot of hair. Possibly handfuls at a time. The solution? Buy some Draino and accept what's coming.  Your hairstylist will also know what's happening, so there's a trusted resource if you're freaking out.

All Banged Up. Speaking of hair...you may also learn the answer as to why so many new moms decided to get bangs. It's to cover up the "baby bangs" -- wispy thin strands that grow around your hairline at your forehead post-birth and seemingly take forever to grow out. Katie Holmes sported them at her wedding to Tom Cruise.

Jumpin Jack Flash. You will have hot flashes at night that will make you jump out of bed, convinced something is seriously wrong. Nothing is wrong. You just had a baby and your hormones are going crazy. As if tending to a newborn doesn't leave you sleep deprived enough, you may find yourself waking soaking wet, needing to change PJs and then having the chills while trying to fall back asleep. p.s. - as soon as you do fall asleep the baby will want to eat.

It All Depends. You're going to pee your pants for weeks. And this isn't just for those who suffer from incontinence post delivery (didn't know that was an option?). In general, if you have a vaginal delivery, you're going to pee throughout the day and definitely if you go for a run or try to just enjoy a good laugh with friends. Suddenly the packages of Depends in the feminine hygiene aisle don't seem so ridiculous.

Junior High on Repeat. You're going to get your period with no warning, no notice, no indication that you should be prepared. You're going to be embarrassed, you're going to be at the office or out running errands or with your kids. You're going to wonder if anyone can tell it happened. And you're going to need to ask someone for a tampon. Hopefully a friend. Possibly a colleague. Maybe an equally unsuspecting new mother who just happened to be prepared. Lesson here is to keep a pad or tampon in your diaper bag and work bag. It's like junior high all over again...yeah.

It's possible there are other changes and phases you'll experience after having a baby and for those who have been there, you know some of the ones I've omitted. But the truth of the matter is that the natural high that follows your Super Hero status of having produced a human being carries you through most of the "ick" moments and softens most of the "ugh" moments so that your postpartum time is more "oh, ooh and ah" than anything else. Promise. Well, kind of.

Minivan Etiquette: Giving Up More than Your Cool Status

My son was born on Wednesday, September 23rd. On Friday, September 25th, my husband and I brought our son home, but on our way from the hospital we stopped to buy a minivan.

The jig is up. I'm a Montgomery County suburb dwelling almost 40-years old mother of three. Whatever I think I have to prove, well, I need to let it go. It will be far more embarrassing for me to try and "prove" something than for you to give me a sympathetic nod when I pull up next to you in my minivan.

As my husband and I drove home having a circular conversation affirming our "need" for the minivan vs. a SUV, it dawned on me that there is an unwritten minivan code of etiquette I must now adhere to and it includes the below;

1. When passing another vehicle, I must remember that I'm driving a minivan and therefore forfeit the right to look at the driver I'm passing with detest and judgement that they are a horrible driver. I am, after all, driving a minivan.
2. Regardless of features and gadgets, under no circumstance may I position my minivan as cool. It falls under the category of sensible purchase. Not cool.
3. I will not drive with the windows down because that's just never a good look in a minivan. Exception is diaper blowout in which case all windows must be down. Of note, you'll know by looking at my face that I didn't choose to put the windows down.
4. I will do all valets the favor of using Uber when I go out at night. (Ha, ha, ha! As if I'm ever going out at night with three kids under the age of 5)
5. When taking the vehicle to the car wash, I will generously tip all those who clean my car as I can only throw snacks to the child in the third row so they inevitably spill, and I never go back to the third row, so it's simply where snacks go to die.
6. I won't ever offer friends a ride in the minivan. At least not the friends I want to keep.
7. I will not tailgate with the minivan. Although it has impressive cargo space and would be convenient, I understand that drinking beer and more so serving beer from the vehicle isn't a good look. (See how I kind of violated #2 with my boasting of mini's cargo space? Who would have thought I would want to brag about my mini?!)
8. Due to the fact that the size of my family and inability to pack efficiently requires that I drive a minivan, I will not add a "Baby on Board" sign or family stick figure stickers to the back of the vehicle.
9. I will not get a personalized license plate for the minivan. The vehicle is enough of a statement.
10. I will no longer look at drivers of minivans with sympathy... I will just now give a knowing nod.

Almost Kicked Out of Childbirth Class + Lessons Learned on Packing for the Hospital

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was so "prepared" that I put together a 3-ring binder of information and references. I took every class and did every tour recommended. Some were helpful, some...not so much.

During a childbirth education class, there were hours spent when the preggo women in the room were instructed to try out the many different positions that might be recommended during labor.

"Go ahead and try this one...get comfortable...make sure your partner knows his/her role."

That first line of instruction had me staring blankly at my husband. That one line of direction felt too close to a common pregnancy statement that I loathe which is when the non-pregnant person makes the statement "We are pregnant." No, we are most certainly not.

To tell me that I need to find a position that's "comfortable" (relative to pushing a human out of my body) and to make sure my partner has a role. Not happening. Here's my partners role: Worship me, care for me, tolerate me and don't repeat back to me (or anyone...ever) anything I said or did that wasn't AMAZING during labor. That's my partners role.

So everyone is on a ball or on their hands and knees and partners are rubbing shoulders, holding hair, etc. I looked at my husband while I unenthusiastically sat on a yoga ball and said "Don't touch me." The teacher overheard me, as did several nearby participants. Apparently I wasn't being productive.

"We really need you to take this seriously or we'll have to ask you to leave."

"I am taking this seriously. I seriously don't want him to touch me while I'm in labor."

We stared at each other, the teacher knowing better than to mess with a pregnant woman with a strong POV. We broke for lunch. My husband and I didn't return to the class.

With that in mind, it's then no surprise that when I read "What to Pack for the Hospital" on the What to Expect website, that I laughed. And laughed. And laughed a bit more. It's not that it's funny, and in fact I offer my apologies to those offended by my reaction to the list, but if you know me...you'll understand.

LABOR GEAR

• "Pen and pad for taking notes, or the What to Expect Pregnancy Organizer"
• No. I'm not taking notes. Someone else can take notes, but what I want to remember is that women who have gone before me swear that I'll forget everything that happens. (exception being the amazing moment when you meet your child) 
• "Your birth plan (several copies, so all staff, on all shifts, can get one)"
• Unless you go for a natural, non-medicated birth, isn't the plan DRUGS + evicting "tenant" upon conclusion of his/her 40-week stay?
• "Stopwatch to time contractions"
• Aren't you in the hospital? Pretty sure they've got this one covered for you.
• "Massage oils or lotions"
• Ah yes, oh how I want to be massaged while in labor. The thought of having my husband gingerly massage me as if to relieve the pain and anxiety that a human is about to walk out of my V...pass. Do. Not. Touch. Me.
• "A tennis ball or plastic rolling pin — both make excellent back rub tools — or an actual massager."
• How about "a tennis ball for throwing at everyone who tells you to "bear down" and yet can't actually describe to you what that means.
• A rolling pin to use as a weapon for anyone who tries to give you a back rub.
• "Your favorite pillow"
• This is just mean. Yes, pack your favorite pillow and then leave it at the hospital. You won't be getting any good sleep for weeks.
• "If you have long hair, a clip or scrunchie to keep it out of your face"
• If you care about your hair, something is wrong.
• "Snacks for during labor (your own snacks will be limited, and must be approved by your practitioner; your partner should pack sandwiches and nutritious nibbles so he doesn't have to leave your side to find something to eat)"
• Oh, that's right. I'll be fasting as part of the "magic" of birthing a baby and with contractions forcing me to double over in pain, I'll make you a sandwich, honey. Yeah, let me get right on that.

On a serious note, there are some great things on the list, so if you are preparing for a trip to the hospital, do check it out. However, as noted above, there's also some sh*t you don't need to bring.

You're welcome.

The Mommy Scale

I've recently had a series of candid conversations with moms about what our lives are really like and how it feels to work outside the home and feel present when in the home. The thread that ties all of these conversations together is that we all have degrees of awareness that we need to let go of some of the many things we feel we must do and yet we can't quite let go of anything.

One of the worst feelings is that of not being successful in any of the many roles I play. Not feeling like I'm on top of my game at work, not present at all the times when my kids want or need me, not spending time with my husband because there's laundry to do and lunches to make, and then of course never getting around to actually putting the laundry away once folded and questioning the quality of the lunch I packed. Heaven forbid I then indulge all my neurosis and think about what the teachers will think of the lunch that I packed. Dare I wonder how its contents compares to that of the other lunches? Should I check out Pinterest and look for creative new ways to make lunches? STOP. I just have to stop.

My reality is that the list of things to do at home grows at the same rate as my work aspirations and where does that leave me? Mommy purgatory. And I want out.

I don't think this feeling is about the need to "Lean In" so much as it is about stopping to think about what I haven't really thought about since before I first became a parent (you know...those golden moments of pregnancy when you paint an idyllic picture of the type of mother you'll be?). Well, it's real. It's happening. It's time to sincerely ask myself, "What kind of parent do I want to be and what lessons do I want to teach my kids about my role and contributions to our family?"

It's too easy to move on autopilot that I haven't stopped to think about the mother I want to be to my children. Of course loving, nurturing, patient, fun, silly, engaged, and all of those things. But in terms of my children's perception of me as a provider, what does that look like? What will they come to value and what do I want them to value?

After stressing about lunches for my son and the batch cooking for the week, my older and wiser brother forced me to realize that I'm stressing about the wrong things.

"Reece, who makes your lunch?" he asked my son.

"Can we go play in the basement?" Reece replied.

My brother turned to me and said, "you're worrying about something Reece gives no thought to. Not that it's not important, but maybe try to think about what Reece most needs and you'll feel better about being present because you'll be on top of what he's looking for from you."

Light bulb.

It was in that moment that I realized I have defined my role as mother based on my own criteria of responsibilities that I believe fall to mothers and those things are not specific to the ages of my children, but rather very traditional and stereotypical things like laundry, lunches, snacks, art projects, preparing things for school. As I write this I'm thinking, "I'm a feminist for crying out loud and I've gone all 50s on what I think my role should be?!" This is why I have needed to stop and think about my role as a mother.

What I have come to realize is that I'm defining my successes and failures as a mother based on a scale that I've designed. A scale that for some reason I have set to measure the same things year after year, never changing and yet with each passing day/month/year, I watch the needs of my children change.

I haven't thought about the people I'm in the relationship with - my kids - and tried to put myself in their shoes at four and one years old and thought about what they want in a mommy. They aren't going to comprehend the value of my career and what it might mean to them later in life. So why am I fixated on trying to measure my successes on this scale that doesn't match their needs? My kids want their favorite shirts and snacks and toys, but there's no doubt the asks for those things come after the #1 ask of having me spend more time with them playing, reading, cuddling.

It's just like any relationship. What I think I should handle as a wife are the very things my husband would deem as "second tier" wants and needs. He would be happier ordering takeout if it meant we could hangout longer vs. me making dinner and cleaning dishes while he watched a movie alone.

So why, if the recipe is so simple. If the need is so basic. If all they want is time, why and how is it so hard to find? It's because of that damn scale. That scale I created. The scale that I resist changing because it feels like I'm lowering the bar or somehow failing by recognizing the need to change the way I measure myself. That scale that just forced me to realize I've been working against myself for the past four years. That scale that I thought kept me on track, but in fact derailed me.

So I come back to the great question of what kind of mother do I want to be and how will I feel good about the mom that I am? Perhaps before I measure myself, I should ask the people I'm measuring for to create the scale and I should consider their needs regularly to help me define and constantly redefine the role. Of all the things I think I "should" be doing, bottom line is that what my kids want most is for me to simply be present.

So hello Pinterest fails because I'll be making those creative projects with my kids and most likely, the messier the better. Farewell to trying to be a SuperMom who gets everything right.

Sh*t People Really Say to You When You're Pregnant

Today marks the beginning of my 24th week of pregnancy and also the second time someone has asked if I'm sure I'm not having twins. Assholes.

The only reason you would look at someone who is pregnant and ask if she is having twins is because you're shocked by the size of her belly, boobs, swollen feet, hands, face, or any other apendage that you can't help but have swell when pregnant.  

Asking someone if they are carrying twins is like asking an overweight person if they want to rethink the dessert they just ordered because surely they've already had enough to eat. You just don't. You just wouldn't. You just shouldn't.

What is it about pregnancy that makes people feel like they have carte blanche to say whatever comes to mind and to put their hands on a woman's belly? Why would anyone want to touch a strangers stomach or think that it's appropriate in the slightest? Why not cop a feel of my huge boobs while you're at it because any hand on any part of my body is bizarre, might as well make it interesting, too.

As a mother of two already, I know that going through pregnancy and entering parenthood does bond you with other parents. A friend with whom you've never talked about sex, you can't help but discuss things like episiotomes (note: if you don't know what that is already, do yourself a favor and do not Google it) and nipple ointments. It's just some very real sh*t and you need people with whom you can keep it real. But what you don't need, is a total stranger judging you or scaring you with horror stories of pregnancy, labor and delivery.

As any mother knows, there are things about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and post-birth that you don't even share with other soon to be mothers, no matter how close you are to the person. You know that it's better left unsaid, but that you'll be there for the friend when they turn to you and say, "How come you never told me about [insert one of so many disgusting things]."

With so many women in the world and women who have had children, how is it that so many people don't know the etiquette associated with engaging with someone who is pregnant? My public service is to share some of the rules with you.

1. Do NOT comment on the size of a pregnant woman (this includes asking if she's having multiples)
2. If I tell you I don't know the sex of the baby, do NOT then ask "What position were you in when you conceived?" True story. Someone asked. Apparently my answer could have confirmed for this total stranger the sex of my child. Super.
3. Don't ask a future mother if she's ready for parenthood. No one is ever ready. 
4. Under no circumstance, other than a mother wearing a t-shirt that reads "Please touch my belly," should you approach a woman's stomach with your hand out to cup the bump.
5. When dining with a pregnant friend, do not be alarmed if she's insulted that the waiter removed her wine glass from the table. Even if it's a good choice not to drink, we don't want anyone telling us we can't.
6. Do not ask me about my choice of having or not having an epidural or my chioce of breastfeeding or formula feeding my child. Both are ripe with judgement.
7. Do not respond in any way other than delight if someone reveals to you the name they've chosen for their unborn child.
8. Don't ever say, "Was this planned or is this an "oops" baby?"
9. Let's do away with the old wives tale that you can tell if a woman is carrying a girl because baby girls steal their mother's good looks. When spoken out loud, this is how this sounds, "Yikes. You look rough. Pregnancy acne, swollen ankles, dull hair. You must be having a girl and she already hates you."
10. And the most sensitive question that I think all people should avoid asking anyone who is pregnant, "Are you going to stop working so you can raise your kids?" Super personal, likely complicated and never easy to answer. A legit question that to the unknowing person may not feel loaded, but it is. Trust me.

Here are two great videos that further capture some of the things people say to those who are preggo....

What Not to Say to A Pregnant Woman by Baby Gizmo

ELLE | 5 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN!

But I Can't Get Pregnant! Or So They Said....

"Congratulations," my doctor says in a cautious tone not knowing if it's joy or terror filling my heart.  Truth be told, it's first terror and then joy. And the look on my face clearly reflected my feelings.

"Is this a surprise? What kind of birth control were you using?," she then asks.

Not hard questions and yet I just sat there, staring at her, suddenly more aware of my nausea than ever. Or is that the terror? 

Feeling as if I now look like a I feel --- ghostly white and ready to vomit --- in perhaps the most matter-of-fact tone in which I've ever uttered any words, I replied. "Birth control? I was relying on the fact that I CAN'T GET PREGNANT! My infertility was my birth control." My doctor just looked at me and wisely responded, "Well, apparently you're now fertile."

Who needs birth control when you've been told that you can't naturally conceive?! Apparently I do. Britney Spears' "Oops I Did it Again" popped into my head and more than it was I ironic I just felt old. (I swear I was cool when Britney first came on the scene. But now I'm knocked up...again...and making a Brit Brit reference and yes, I just referred to her as Brit Brit).

I was given a 0% chance of getting pregnant on my own with my first child. Couldn't happen. With IUI my chances increased to 15%.  Two years later I returned to the doctor who again confirmed that I would not be able to conceive without assistance, but for various reasons my odds were now just 5% with IUI.  I'm the lucky winner and I know that to be true...I won with odds of 15% and 5% and now here I am pregnant against all odds.  Sincerely, I'm grateful and not taking it for granted, but it's honestly as shocking as coming home and finding that my two children turned into dogs while I was at work. 

The hard and definitive decision to not have any more children was no longer the decision my husband and I made.  Not only was the sense of control we thought we had over our lives rattled, but with this baby, we will be outnumbered and that's just not good. Not good at all. We are a man-on-man defense and man-on-man offense kind of family. Play to your strengths and we do. Our strength is being man-on-man. Not anymore.

Last year, or maybe the year prior, there was a quiz promoted all over Facebook where based on a few questions, you were told how many children you should have. My quiz result was two.

Because every question - the medical, mystical and practical - can be answered through a Google search, I began searching "having three children." Source alone, a blog titled "Scary Mommy," I clicked on her piece about having three kids. It was the best bit of empathy I have had since finding out I was pregnant - "... Everyone asks if it’s your first and when you say it’s your third, they laugh hysterically and walk away."  

Regardless of the roller coaster ride to come, the way I see it is that I'm already buckled in with two, so really, isn't one more just like adding a few upside down turns?