Tuesday, March 18, 2014

If Toddler's Ruled the World.

If toddler's ruled the world, it would be a much simpler place.

A place where fights and wars ended with two words. I'm sorry.

A place where polution would never be an issue because NOTHING is trash. Everything is a treasure.

A place where we wouldn't use so many plastic water bottles a year that we could circle the earth so many times because once you have your favorite sippy cup, that's all you would ever use.

A place where every animal would be adored. Trust me. There are kids who love rats and pigeons.

A place where beauty wouldn't be a consideration for children don't judge appearnces.

A place where any house that has a toy, cup, ball, train, hose, doll or pet would be just the right size.  It wouldn't matter how big or small or fancy.

A place where sadness would end with the promise of a "special treat."

A place where people shared their belongings so everyone would always have something.

A place where pain would be alleviated with kisses and band-aids.

A place where chicken nuggets were a staple of one's diet.

A place where medicine only came in cherry, grape and bubble gum flavors.

A place where naps would be mandatory. And if you couldn't sleep, you would be required to at least rest in cozy jammies for an hour.

Now granted, this would also be a place where people pee and poop in their pants.

A place where anger would be expressed by stomping one's feet and then crumbling to the ground and laying there. Face down.

A place where tiny sober people would wander the streets aimlessly like little drunks.

As I piece this all together, it's quite clear that 3 year olds have a better base on fundamental principles of how the world should work than those who actually lead it.  Where's that kid president when you need him?



Wednesday, March 12, 2014

One Direction's "The Story of My Life" - The Sleep Training Edition

Written in these walls are the stories that I don't want to explain
I leave the door open as if a masochist to hear her pain
If she could talk, she would tell me in the morning she doesn't want me to leave her to cry it out alone
Seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone

And I'll be gone, gone tonight
May the ground beneath my feet suddenly open wide
The way that I've been up all through the night
Is it heaven or hell?  I'm somewhere in between

The story of my life
I take her home 
Only to want to drive all night just to be alone
And time.... Is frozen
The story of my life
I've lost all hope
I give her love
Which she takes until I'm broke
Inside
The story of my life 

Written by doctors are books that address her sleepless rage
Leave the door open but baby stays right there in her cage
I know that in the morning now I will feel relief that nighttime is done
And though I'll wake broken, another day will have just begun

And I'll be gone, gone tonight
There's going to be another screaming fight
The way that she refuses to sleep tight
And there's nothing in between

The story of my life
I swaddle her tight
I've practiced for months to make sure it's right
And time.... Is frozen
The story of my life
I've lost all hope
I give her love
Which she takes until I'm broke
Inside
The story of my life

And to think I had been waiting for this time to come around
But baby trying to teach you to sleep is like chasing the clouds

The story of my life
She just won't sleep
I've read the books,
Just f-ing do it please
And time.... Is frozen 
The story of my life
I've lost all hope
I give her love
Which she takes until I'm broke
Inside
The story of my life